WORD.
I like things. A lot.
Hey there.
I hope you still remember me, Ashlie Espinosa? Yeah, the one who put in the spagettios too long and they exploded all over your clean microwave..and yes the one who made fun of you to your face. I’m sorry. That was cruel. But it is for the record, pronounced, “neo-spor-in.” Not, “neo-spur-um.”
I really just wanted to touch base with you, seeing as how we hadn’t talked since you handed out diplomas 3 years ago..and I saw you a few times, but I ducked. Sorry for that too.
I wanted to bring it your attention that the class you taught, Science of Nutrition?
It is a sham.
I’m sorry man, but it is.
I’ve been married 2 months now..and I’ve done a lot of cookin in that time. Not in any of that time, did I create hard, flat brownies, make icing out of weird shit that made it runny and look like semen, nor have I made “homemade” meals that have tasted as bland and dry than I did in your class.
Take no offence.
When you told Abra and I your family loves your cooking, we knew we were in for a treat. The treat being you talking about jumpsuits you wore in high school and how you think your knick knacks move around.
Thanks for teaching me the slaughtering process of cows when it was 8am, and thanks for teaching me never to cut meat on a wood cutting board. You’re right, I didn’t know it absorbed that meat juice and mixed in with whatever else you cut.
Thanks for telling me childhood stories about sledding. It was touching. Oh, and thanks for putting Brandom Kelsey in my cooking group. He asked me out on several occasions, even though I had a boyfriend, also in that cooking group. He said, “when I get bored.” Sick, Mary, sick.
I loved your bowl cut. It really was a bowl cut. I’d love it if you made me your regular stylist. I also thank you making me gut a turkey. It was the first time I learned to puke in my mouth. That skill has come in handy, all thanks to you.
Well Mary, that about raps it up.
I’m sure I’ll write again soon. But not too soon, ya know what I mean ;)
Sorry Mary, it was a joke.
All my love to your weird ass life,
Ashlie Savoy (It’s Savoy now fyi. You couldn’t spell Espinosa anyways.)
